How people find, and stay, in love

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Marvin and Kandy Berke Photo by Mark Gililland

The moment he speaks her name, a smile brightens his face. It doesn't matter that 44 years have passed since Marvin Berke and his wife Kandy were married. They're still a couple in love.

Rich and Misty Heinsman say there was chemistry between them when they met on a blind date 12 years ago. Heinsman, who had been recently widowed, fell head over heels for the single mother of three. Married for seven years, they say their marriage was meant to be. They, too, are a couple in love.

Joseph and Kasey Decosimo began their relationship as best friends. He had a crush on her roommate, and Kasey already had a boyfriend. But after several years of friendship, they realized they were in love with one other.

From different generations, all three couples enjoy a common bond. Here are their love stories:

Marvin and Kandy Berke

Marvin Berke was a young attorney working on a big case when a friend of his mom's set him up on a blind date. That's how he met Kandy Silverman, a college student from Florida who was visiting Chattanooga. Marvin liked her immediately, but most of his attention was focused on his client, the infamous Jimmy Hoffa. Hoffa's trial, which was getting national media coverage, required Marvin to work 18-hour days.

Though the couple enjoyed a nice dinner on that first date, they were being watched. "Th e FBI was following us," says Berke, 71. "I was immediately attracted to Kandy, but I didn't think she was so attracted to me. She was 19 and I was an old man at 25."

"I was scared to death," says Kandy, 65. "He was a lawyer, very formidable, sweet and kind. I liked him a lot. But I was a 19-year-old college student. I didn't know anything about Jimmy Hoff a. I didn't realize what the trial was about. It was over my head."

She knew, though, that she liked him a lot. "It wasn't until I went back to Florida, and then came back to Chattanooga the next summer to get a job that I realized there was something between us," adds Kandy. "He told me he had been waiting for me. I thought it was the most romantic thing I had ever heard. I fell in love with him. I didn't want anyone else. I wanted him. We were married six months later."

The couple says they do have a formula for a successful marriage. "After we got married, Marvin said to pick my battles. When you do this, you become patient," says Kandy. "You have good times and bad times, but you realize that the bad times don't compare to the good times. I try to not get upset about things. Marvin is very patient and I have learned to be patient as well. We don't fuss about the small stuff ."

The parents of a son, Sen. Andy Berke, and a daughter, fi lmmaker Julie McMellen, the Berkes have two granddaughters, Hannah and Orly, along with a grandchild on the way. "We spend a lot of time with our grandchildren," adds Kandy. "We're a close family."

Golf ranks high on their list of favorite pastimes. "We try to play on weekends," says Kandy. "The most important thing we do is love each other for who we are. That's why we're still happy. If other couples do that, they'll make it, too."

Rich and Misty Heinman Photo by Mark Gililland

Rich and Misty Heinsman

Local attorney Rich Heinsman had been widowed for about four months when he was introduced to Misty Starr. "We were set up by a mutual friend," says Rich, 43. "I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, but I was frightened that she was a single mom of three. I was going through a lot at the time, and I wasn't ready for an immediate family."

Misty Heinsman, 43, says their lives at the time were worlds apart. "He was an attorney running for public defender," she says. "I was a single mom in nursing school. And though there was chemistry

between us, I thought nothing would happen."

But, as fate would have it, they kept running into each other. It turned out Rich lived only a block from Misty. "I didn't date a lot," she says. "I was a homebody. But I was drawn to him. He was the kind of person I wanted to be with. He was always smiling."

One day, by chance, they passed one another while driving. Th eir eyes locked. "We saw each other and waved," recalls Misty. "I had butterflies. I was sitting at a red light thinking about him when I saw a man come running up the street toward my car. It was Rich. He had parked his car, and ran to me while I was sitting at the red light, grabbed my face, and said, ‘You are the most beautiful woman in the world.' He kissed me and ran away."

"I did ask her out a lot but she kept turning me down," says Rich. "The last time she turned me down was when I asked her to go to a bike race. She didn't go, and I ended up horsing around with some guys and broke my collarbone. I blamed it on her. That's when we started going out and we've been together ever since."

In addition to Misty's three adult children, Jason Lord, Justine Lord and Jada (Joe) Smith, the Heinsman's have a 5-year-old daughter, Ellie. "I've always heard that when you marry, two become one, and that's how we are," says Misty. "He'sthe other part of my brain."

"We're partners in every sense of the word," says Rich, noting that they're owners of the new Joe Friday's Alaskan Coffee House on Houston Street, located next door to his law office. The couple owns

both buildings. "We've never had a big fight," he adds. "Neither of us like to argue. We were both raised to work hard and love hard. And we're doing that."

Joseph and Kasey Decosimo Photo by Mark Gililland

Joseph and Kasey Decosimo

Joseph and Kasey Decosimo met while students at University of North Carolina.

"Joseph was a freshman and I was a sophomore," says Kasey, 27. "We met because we had a lot of mutual friends. We were friends for fi ve years before we started dating."

At the beginning of their friendship, Joseph had a crush on Kasey's roommate. "It never materialized," he says about the crush. "I realized it was Kasey I enjoyed being with. I liked talking to her."

"He was the guy I tried to set up my friends with," adds Kasey. "I knew he was a good person, and the type of guy I would want a friend to date."

All that changed one weekend after Joseph's brother met Kasey for the first time.

"My brother saw something between us and said something to me about it," says Joseph, also 27. "It got me to thinking. It woke me up to a friendship that had grown into something more. I knew it at

the time, but it was like I needed someone to tell me."

Kasey was in graduate school when her "friend" came to the realization that he wanted more than friendship. "We were on campus and he walked me home," she says. "His interest took me by surprise. It was exciting and scary at the same time. My relationship with by boyfriend had been off and on for a long time, and I started thinking, ‘Hey, this could work.'"

A few weeks later, the couple realized that they were, in fact, in love.

"Things started rolling," says Joseph. "We married three years later."

"We're both simple people," says Kasey. "We share a love of family and music."

"She's also a good cook," adds Joseph. "When we were in college, I took advantage of it. I was there a lot when she cooked, and I always appreciated it."

Before they married, each found jobs in Chattanooga. "I moved to Chattanooga and lived in a cabin," recalls Kasey. Joseph moved in with his parents before we got married. He's got a big family here in Chattanooga and they welcomed me with open arms. They made my transition easy."

Today, Joseph teaches and plays music. "That's what I love doing," he says. Kasey is a community health planner for the Chattanooga-Hamilton County Health Department. Music is a mutual interest. "He's way better than I am, but if he ever needs an extra person to play with, I help," adds Kasey. "We have fun being together."

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